So yesterday I took matters into my own hands and went to the imaging place and got the report for my PET/CT scan (I do not have the patience to wait until next week to see my doctor). Finally, good news!!! No signs that the cancer has spread...at least nowhere in my torso...YEAH!!! WOOOHOOO!!! ...Haven't checked my brain yet...that, I believe would be an MRI...which hasn't been ordered and not sure what the plan is for that.
Today I went for my echocardiogram to make sure my heart muscle is strong enough to handle the chemo drugs. Again, won't get this result until next week. With this one, I am not so worried because I know my heart is strong.
I am actually going to try to sleep in my bed tonight for the first time in a month...my recliner is sooooo comfy though!! We'll see how it goes.
The other good news is that I went all day yesterday and now all day today without pain meds...YEAH!! I am still taking my nerve pain meds and vicodin at night to ensure I sleep well.
I have a big adventure tomorrow...totally not cancer related but still health related. I am an ambassador for the Diabetes Association and will be speaking at the Red Strider (those living with diabetes) kick off dinner tomorrow evening. Shouldn't be too taxing since I am not speaking long...drive downtown, eat, speak, come home...piece of cake.
That's it for now...no other doctor appointments this week...another YEAH!!
Namaste.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Yesterday the 3 generations that make up our household went on an adventure to the punkin patch. We decided to go to Halter, Inc.'s patch this year because it was closer to home, smaller, and they are a non-profit providing therapy animals for special needs kids. We had a great time! Isabella went on two pony rides and acted like she had been doing it all her short life! Cows and goats in the petting zoo were well loved by her as she gave them all hugs and left the feeding to grammie and mommie. The best part was that it was small enough that I didn't get too tired, yet big enough that we all had a great time.
I am having a bit of a struggle today because it seems as though I should be feeling much better by now. It feels as though I am wearing a bra that is about 4 sizes too small! Was hoping to be off pain meds by now but not so much ready yet. I am trying to work on arm movements by stretching and reaching...seems to be helping. The whole chest area still feels like a major sunburn...mostly when I move.
Getting my head shaved this past week has been a rather freeing experience...almost thinking this might be the way to go after all this is over...easy care, no worries about your hair blowing into your eyes, shampoo lasts a really long time! There is no end to the benefits!!
I think Teri and I are going to try to do a little halloween decorating in the front yard this week. A friend is coming to help hang the decorations that require a ladder. It is a bit difficult getting into the mood for Halloween when it has been 90 this past week and we are expecting it again this week. Cool front coming this Wednesday -- for those who don't live in Houston that means we will be in the 80s. So those of you in the north, please send some fall-like weather our direction! Oh yeah...pumpkin carving tomorrow...can't wait because that also means roasting the seeds!!
Ok, so I don't recommend this as a weight-loss method, but I have lost about 17 pounds. I think about 10 from the surgery then the rest because I am not drinking sodas and eating reasonable portions...we also haven't been eating restaurant food nearly as much. Teri is cooking delicious, nutritious, healing meals for us and it has been AWESOME!! If the excess fluid that is sloshing around in my chest ever gets re-absorbed, maybe I will lose even more.
For those of my friends who are overweight, do yourself and your families a favor -- LOSE WEIGHT. Not for the looks but for all the risk factors. Did you know it is a risk factor for cancer? I didn't until I got cancer. I knew about diabetes and heart disease...but not cancer. While I make look and sound brave, or strong or whatever you want to say...you do NOT want to go through this. Do what you can to reduce your risk factors...eat right, exercise, and know your health. Ok...I'll get off my soapbox now.
So this week brings an echocardiogram. I am not scheduled to see my oncologist again until the 3rd but I am going to try to get in earlier so I can get the results of the PET scan. Will keep y'all posted!
Night...and Namaste!
I am having a bit of a struggle today because it seems as though I should be feeling much better by now. It feels as though I am wearing a bra that is about 4 sizes too small! Was hoping to be off pain meds by now but not so much ready yet. I am trying to work on arm movements by stretching and reaching...seems to be helping. The whole chest area still feels like a major sunburn...mostly when I move.
Getting my head shaved this past week has been a rather freeing experience...almost thinking this might be the way to go after all this is over...easy care, no worries about your hair blowing into your eyes, shampoo lasts a really long time! There is no end to the benefits!!
I think Teri and I are going to try to do a little halloween decorating in the front yard this week. A friend is coming to help hang the decorations that require a ladder. It is a bit difficult getting into the mood for Halloween when it has been 90 this past week and we are expecting it again this week. Cool front coming this Wednesday -- for those who don't live in Houston that means we will be in the 80s. So those of you in the north, please send some fall-like weather our direction! Oh yeah...pumpkin carving tomorrow...can't wait because that also means roasting the seeds!!
Ok, so I don't recommend this as a weight-loss method, but I have lost about 17 pounds. I think about 10 from the surgery then the rest because I am not drinking sodas and eating reasonable portions...we also haven't been eating restaurant food nearly as much. Teri is cooking delicious, nutritious, healing meals for us and it has been AWESOME!! If the excess fluid that is sloshing around in my chest ever gets re-absorbed, maybe I will lose even more.
For those of my friends who are overweight, do yourself and your families a favor -- LOSE WEIGHT. Not for the looks but for all the risk factors. Did you know it is a risk factor for cancer? I didn't until I got cancer. I knew about diabetes and heart disease...but not cancer. While I make look and sound brave, or strong or whatever you want to say...you do NOT want to go through this. Do what you can to reduce your risk factors...eat right, exercise, and know your health. Ok...I'll get off my soapbox now.
So this week brings an echocardiogram. I am not scheduled to see my oncologist again until the 3rd but I am going to try to get in earlier so I can get the results of the PET scan. Will keep y'all posted!
Night...and Namaste!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Sloshing
Ok, I have a new definition for gross: when I move my arm away from my body then back against my side and I hear the fluid gurgle in my chest...now that is gross!! There is nothing worse than hearing fluid slosh around inside you! Ok, there may be worse things but where I am right now...this is it.
I did check with the doctor and it is normal...the fluid will be re-absorbed. There are certain conditions that would indicate he needs to drain it but I don't have any of those right now...fingers crossed!!
I did check with the doctor and it is normal...the fluid will be re-absorbed. There are certain conditions that would indicate he needs to drain it but I don't have any of those right now...fingers crossed!!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Drains are out!
I just have to say it...sometimes it feels like I will never feel "normal" again. I KNOW I will, but man this is a slow process.
Had my drains removed yesterday -- YEAH!! -- it was NOT a pain-free experience. Not worrying about them and logging the amount of fluid draining is a good thing though. So according to the surgeon, his "work is done" ... that was quick!
I am also trying to get off the pain meds -- this is the part I hate the most. Not because I enjoy being in an altered state but because of the withdrawal symptoms...and of course the pain that seems to be at a higher level than what I would expect. Not so sure I am really ready to be off the meds.
In addition, I am still fighting the stupid yeastie beasties...will they every give up and go away?
I had read the pain described as a sunburn...I am now at that point. So right now, it feels as though my arm pits and chest feel as though they are bound by rubber bands and the skin is sunburned. My digestive tract is screwed up by the pain meds, and the yeast has taken over...yeah, this is where I want to be!
My PET scan is scheduled for Thursday to see if this bugger migrated anywhere else in my body. Next Tuesday, I have an echocardiogram scheduled to see if my heart can handle the chemo meds. Then on the 3rd it is back to the oncologist to discuss the clinical trial, insurance, and hopefully to get things scheduled.
The good news is that I am going to try to sleep in my bed tonight...YEAH!! My ankles and feet are a bit swollen so I am hoping sleeping in bed will help. (Plus I don't want to wear out my wonderful recliner!)
I want to again thank everyone for your love and support through all of this.
Namaste.
Had my drains removed yesterday -- YEAH!! -- it was NOT a pain-free experience. Not worrying about them and logging the amount of fluid draining is a good thing though. So according to the surgeon, his "work is done" ... that was quick!
I am also trying to get off the pain meds -- this is the part I hate the most. Not because I enjoy being in an altered state but because of the withdrawal symptoms...and of course the pain that seems to be at a higher level than what I would expect. Not so sure I am really ready to be off the meds.
In addition, I am still fighting the stupid yeastie beasties...will they every give up and go away?
I had read the pain described as a sunburn...I am now at that point. So right now, it feels as though my arm pits and chest feel as though they are bound by rubber bands and the skin is sunburned. My digestive tract is screwed up by the pain meds, and the yeast has taken over...yeah, this is where I want to be!
My PET scan is scheduled for Thursday to see if this bugger migrated anywhere else in my body. Next Tuesday, I have an echocardiogram scheduled to see if my heart can handle the chemo meds. Then on the 3rd it is back to the oncologist to discuss the clinical trial, insurance, and hopefully to get things scheduled.
The good news is that I am going to try to sleep in my bed tonight...YEAH!! My ankles and feet are a bit swollen so I am hoping sleeping in bed will help. (Plus I don't want to wear out my wonderful recliner!)
I want to again thank everyone for your love and support through all of this.
Namaste.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Surgeon and Oncologist post-surgery follow up
Wow...what a week! I had wanted to post an entry on Tuesday after seeing my surgeon on Monday...but then my oncologist called at 9pm Monday night to give me the results of the final pathology (this was the test to see if my tumor was low/high risk for metastisizing and/or recurring. First...the surgeon's visit...
Can I just say I really like my surgeon! Not only is he a skilled surgeon, he is compassionate, has a great bedside manor and a great sense of humor!!
The drains (affectionately known as my "friends") are still in but will be removed next Monday. They really aren't that bad so I was really ok with that. (As a side note...a post-surgical camisole with pockets for the drains is a MUST! The one day I wore a regular cami was the pits having to deal with the drains...with the cami, they have their little spot and all is right with the world). Best part of the appointment was when he said the pathology report was good. While there were some surprises (at least for me) there wasn't any boogie monsters that showed up. YEAH!! So I go see him in next Monday for drain removal (will miss my little friends -- not!) and a re-check of the yeastie beasties (yes, still dealing with that).
So, Monday was an awesome day...until 9pm when my oncologist called.
Dr. Holmes is awesome...how many doctors would call at 9pm to let you know the results of your tests? I was, after all, going to see her on Wednesday.
As good as the surgeon's news was, the oncologist's news wasn't. The tumor may be small but it is a nasty one. (the old "big things come in small packages" came to mind!) The tumor is a high risk tumor. This means that the chemo will need to be more aggressive than she originally was thinking just based on tumor size. So even though it is considered an "early cancer" and is small, it acts as a more aggressive larger tumor. Let me just say, if you or someone you know is going through this, request that they do a Mammaprint test to determine the risk.
This additional test enabled my doc to get me into a clinical trial for some new chemo "cocktails" for treating triple neg cancer. Had the Mammaprint not been done, the size of the tumor would have eliminated me from the trial. Never thought I would be excited about being a guinea pig!
The trial is looking at 3 different cocktails -- the standard of care (what is currently being used to treat triple negative breast cancer) and then two other variations. The great thing about cancer clinical trials is that you will as the least get the standard of care...but you may get one of the new cocktails that isn't yet available. Since triple neg falls into the 20 percent of the 80/20 rule and so has not had a lot of research done to determine good targeted therapies, I am excited to be part of the trial so that I can be whatever help in finding something that will mean a better prognosis for those of us with triple neg.
Next step is to get my PET scan to determine if there are any tumors elsewhere in my body. This could even further affect the chemo and the outcomes. Also will be having a cardiac echo to make sure my heart muscle is good because the chemo drugs can affect the heart. Beyond that, I am in the "healing phase" so will be healing for about another month before chemo starts. Some of the drugs cut off the blood supply to the tumors and will cut off the blood supply to the healing tissue (which would not be a good thing) so we need to make sure I am healed up before we start poisoning me.
Oh, I almost forgot, the official stage of the cancer is T1bN0 Stage 2. to decifer: T1b indicates the size as between 0.5 cm and 1.0 cm (mine was 1.0 cm) -- for those not versed in cm...that is a bit less than 1/2 inch. The N0 indicates the status of the lymph nodes, in my case the 0 means there is no involvement (I take the good news where I can get it!)
So, I am 2 weeks out from surgery and I am still taking pain meds including one for nerve pain.
Funny thing, the biggest thing on my mind is that I am going to need help decorating for the holidays!
Thanks again for all the great thoughts and prayers coming my way...it means a lot!!
Oh...I am posting some new pics today as well.
Can I just say I really like my surgeon! Not only is he a skilled surgeon, he is compassionate, has a great bedside manor and a great sense of humor!!
The drains (affectionately known as my "friends") are still in but will be removed next Monday. They really aren't that bad so I was really ok with that. (As a side note...a post-surgical camisole with pockets for the drains is a MUST! The one day I wore a regular cami was the pits having to deal with the drains...with the cami, they have their little spot and all is right with the world). Best part of the appointment was when he said the pathology report was good. While there were some surprises (at least for me) there wasn't any boogie monsters that showed up. YEAH!! So I go see him in next Monday for drain removal (will miss my little friends -- not!) and a re-check of the yeastie beasties (yes, still dealing with that).
So, Monday was an awesome day...until 9pm when my oncologist called.
Dr. Holmes is awesome...how many doctors would call at 9pm to let you know the results of your tests? I was, after all, going to see her on Wednesday.
As good as the surgeon's news was, the oncologist's news wasn't. The tumor may be small but it is a nasty one. (the old "big things come in small packages" came to mind!) The tumor is a high risk tumor. This means that the chemo will need to be more aggressive than she originally was thinking just based on tumor size. So even though it is considered an "early cancer" and is small, it acts as a more aggressive larger tumor. Let me just say, if you or someone you know is going through this, request that they do a Mammaprint test to determine the risk.
This additional test enabled my doc to get me into a clinical trial for some new chemo "cocktails" for treating triple neg cancer. Had the Mammaprint not been done, the size of the tumor would have eliminated me from the trial. Never thought I would be excited about being a guinea pig!
The trial is looking at 3 different cocktails -- the standard of care (what is currently being used to treat triple negative breast cancer) and then two other variations. The great thing about cancer clinical trials is that you will as the least get the standard of care...but you may get one of the new cocktails that isn't yet available. Since triple neg falls into the 20 percent of the 80/20 rule and so has not had a lot of research done to determine good targeted therapies, I am excited to be part of the trial so that I can be whatever help in finding something that will mean a better prognosis for those of us with triple neg.
Next step is to get my PET scan to determine if there are any tumors elsewhere in my body. This could even further affect the chemo and the outcomes. Also will be having a cardiac echo to make sure my heart muscle is good because the chemo drugs can affect the heart. Beyond that, I am in the "healing phase" so will be healing for about another month before chemo starts. Some of the drugs cut off the blood supply to the tumors and will cut off the blood supply to the healing tissue (which would not be a good thing) so we need to make sure I am healed up before we start poisoning me.
Oh, I almost forgot, the official stage of the cancer is T1bN0 Stage 2. to decifer: T1b indicates the size as between 0.5 cm and 1.0 cm (mine was 1.0 cm) -- for those not versed in cm...that is a bit less than 1/2 inch. The N0 indicates the status of the lymph nodes, in my case the 0 means there is no involvement (I take the good news where I can get it!)
So, I am 2 weeks out from surgery and I am still taking pain meds including one for nerve pain.
Funny thing, the biggest thing on my mind is that I am going to need help decorating for the holidays!
Thanks again for all the great thoughts and prayers coming my way...it means a lot!!
Oh...I am posting some new pics today as well.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Yeastie Beasties and Other Tales
Went and saw one of my surgeon's partner's today. Because of my tape allergy and diabetes, I wanted them to check out the rash along the incisions to make sure everything was good. Truth-be-told, I was smelling the telltale odor of yeast around my incisions (gotta love diabetes!).
He did say it looks like there may be a bit of yeast overgrowth so to be on the safe side he prescribe a one-dose oral drug used for yeast infections. Hopefully that will nip it in the bud.
Other than that, everything is looking good. I am still draining too much to remove my drains (I affectionately call them "my friends" ... LOL). I'll see my surgeon on Monday still for the complete path report and perhaps get at least on of the drains removed.
The Dr. today did give me a "rushed" overview of the path report...you know, just enough to make me want my copy now so I can read and research my heart out some more! He didn't have the results of the low/high risk for spreading...I think the oncologist will have that one. From what I remember him telling me is that "the tumor" wasn't the only one in my right breast. I also had a patch of ductal carcinoma in situ (as opposed to invasive). Basically I had one that spreads and one that doesn't. He mentioned some other changes but I need to see the words to really digest it and then I will post it on here.
So, yesterday was one week since I went topless. A milestone I spent mostly napping. I am amazed that I felt better right after surgery than I do now (dead nerves work wonders for pain level!)...not that I feel that bad. the surprising part is that I had read about women feeling like they had "been hit by a truck then it parked on my chest." Needless to say I was happy that I didn't feel that way. WAS is the operative word in the last sentence. That woman's truck showed up at my chest! It isn't like from an abdominal incision...it is because everything is swollen and adjusting and it all just feels tight.
I did ask the doc about reaching and movements and he said that is actually a good thing to be doing...cool, I hate asking Teri to get things off the top shelf when she is shorter than I am! LOL
Have I mentioned that I really don't like waiting? The low/high risk test results are going to present me with some perplexing decisions to make (of course "my gut" will be playing a major role in the decisions). What will the results really mean anyway? If I went strictly by the numbers (by that I mean if my body followed the research and risk models), I wouldn't have had breast cancer...let alone triple neg. Would that mean that if I played by the rules (which I obviously don't) a "low" would mean I probably wouldn't need chemo and a "high" would mean I need to throw everything at it. Since playing by the rules isn't something I seem to be doing, it will be interesting to see how the results compare to reality.
Talking with Teri today -- have I mentioned how awesome she has been through all of this? -- and the doctor, I am concerned that some of the cells escaped through my bloodstream (yes, clear nodes are good but that isn't the only way cancer travels). This low/high risk test will only tell me the risk, not whether it has already spread. So I think regardless of that test, I will be pushing for scans to ensure there isn't anything else lurking out there and then have chemo regardless -- the cocktail may just be different.
Speaking of Teri...she and Isabella bought me a beautifl necklace with an angel wing and pink ribbon. I can't wait to wear it but am waiting until I can actually put it on and take it off myself (arms are a bit stiff for that movement). Thanks T!
I guess I must be healing because Abby is finally getting up and laying away from me. Up until today, she literally didn't leave my side...thank goodness my recliner is a chair and a half!!
Now for today's humor...I put the dogs in the yard while I was changing...Abby started barking so I walked out into the back yard with just my pants on and drains in hand. My first thought was that I walked out without my shirt...second thought was...so what! Kinda don't have anything to see.
Namaste.
He did say it looks like there may be a bit of yeast overgrowth so to be on the safe side he prescribe a one-dose oral drug used for yeast infections. Hopefully that will nip it in the bud.
Other than that, everything is looking good. I am still draining too much to remove my drains (I affectionately call them "my friends" ... LOL). I'll see my surgeon on Monday still for the complete path report and perhaps get at least on of the drains removed.
The Dr. today did give me a "rushed" overview of the path report...you know, just enough to make me want my copy now so I can read and research my heart out some more! He didn't have the results of the low/high risk for spreading...I think the oncologist will have that one. From what I remember him telling me is that "the tumor" wasn't the only one in my right breast. I also had a patch of ductal carcinoma in situ (as opposed to invasive). Basically I had one that spreads and one that doesn't. He mentioned some other changes but I need to see the words to really digest it and then I will post it on here.
So, yesterday was one week since I went topless. A milestone I spent mostly napping. I am amazed that I felt better right after surgery than I do now (dead nerves work wonders for pain level!)...not that I feel that bad. the surprising part is that I had read about women feeling like they had "been hit by a truck then it parked on my chest." Needless to say I was happy that I didn't feel that way. WAS is the operative word in the last sentence. That woman's truck showed up at my chest! It isn't like from an abdominal incision...it is because everything is swollen and adjusting and it all just feels tight.
I did ask the doc about reaching and movements and he said that is actually a good thing to be doing...cool, I hate asking Teri to get things off the top shelf when she is shorter than I am! LOL
Have I mentioned that I really don't like waiting? The low/high risk test results are going to present me with some perplexing decisions to make (of course "my gut" will be playing a major role in the decisions). What will the results really mean anyway? If I went strictly by the numbers (by that I mean if my body followed the research and risk models), I wouldn't have had breast cancer...let alone triple neg. Would that mean that if I played by the rules (which I obviously don't) a "low" would mean I probably wouldn't need chemo and a "high" would mean I need to throw everything at it. Since playing by the rules isn't something I seem to be doing, it will be interesting to see how the results compare to reality.
Talking with Teri today -- have I mentioned how awesome she has been through all of this? -- and the doctor, I am concerned that some of the cells escaped through my bloodstream (yes, clear nodes are good but that isn't the only way cancer travels). This low/high risk test will only tell me the risk, not whether it has already spread. So I think regardless of that test, I will be pushing for scans to ensure there isn't anything else lurking out there and then have chemo regardless -- the cocktail may just be different.
Speaking of Teri...she and Isabella bought me a beautifl necklace with an angel wing and pink ribbon. I can't wait to wear it but am waiting until I can actually put it on and take it off myself (arms are a bit stiff for that movement). Thanks T!
I guess I must be healing because Abby is finally getting up and laying away from me. Up until today, she literally didn't leave my side...thank goodness my recliner is a chair and a half!!
Now for today's humor...I put the dogs in the yard while I was changing...Abby started barking so I walked out into the back yard with just my pants on and drains in hand. My first thought was that I walked out without my shirt...second thought was...so what! Kinda don't have anything to see.
Namaste.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
GRAPHIC WARNING!!!
Alright...I don't think I will make it to the centerfold of Playboy, but I am ok with that. My first "topless" photos are being posted today. Teri is helping me document my progress through the journey of really nasty bruising and swelling back to "normal" (whatever that is!). The real question is...now that I don't technically have breasts, can I go shirtless in public? LOL...Whether I want to or not is another story.
I know there are many women out there who are very emotionally tied to their breasts...I am not one of them. I think it is important, for those of us who are willing, to share our story complete with photos. Maybe it will help lessen the trauma for everyone and help in the fight for awareness and finding a cure.
At the point of diagnosis, my feeling is that breasts become less about sex and more about being a body part. I want all my friends (yes, I said all and include men, women, and children) to know that it is ok to ask me questions, pass my name and email along to others who may need it, and even see the result (though the seeing will probably be photographic in nature for most -- though I am open to live 3-D in some cases because it is so different than looking at a photo.
One common question is if I am going to have reconstruction. For me, the answer is a simple one...No. This is a very personal choice and I have no issues with women who want reconstruction -- after all clothing fit is definitely going to be a challenge. Will I every wear falsies? Sure, there may be a time when it would be appropriate -- like in evening wear.
So, fair warning...there will be photos that some would consider graphic and there will be frank discussions.
On another note. I want to acknowledge a phenomenal group of people. A program called Good Wishes is lead by Laurie Ericksen...from their Web site:
"Good Wishes, an L. Erickson USA® program, provides a scarf or an It’s a Wrap to women and girls experiencing a thinning or loss of hair due to illness or treatment at no cost. Each scarf is a gift of hope that carries with it the support and good wishes of our staff and represents the strength and beauty of the woman or child who wears it. All Good Wishes gifts are made with CRYSTALLIZED™ - Swarovski Elements as a special symbol to honor your courage and spirit. L. Erickson USA® and France Luxe® are designer brands of the parent company The Finest Accessories® Inc."
I cannot say enough about this awesome program. Not only is the scarf I received absolutely beautiful silk, the love and support of all those involved in getting it to be is palpable. From the beauty of the silk, they workmanship, and the Swarovski Elements to the unexpected, hand-signed card with well-wishes from the staff at Good Wishes. I have included a photo of the card along with photos of the scarf. Please spread the word about this program...with both the financial and emotional cost of cancer, this is truly a welcome light! Their Web site is
http://www.franceluxe.com/i/goodwishesscarves/Good+Wishes+Scarves.html
I will be showering later and posting some updated pics tomorrow...Teri tells me the bruises look much better today. The rash from the tape is worse and the feeling is beginning to return to some areas.
Namaste.
Photos are posted on my caring bridge site at: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jandavidson/photos and on Facebook (if you are a friend on facebook).
I know there are many women out there who are very emotionally tied to their breasts...I am not one of them. I think it is important, for those of us who are willing, to share our story complete with photos. Maybe it will help lessen the trauma for everyone and help in the fight for awareness and finding a cure.
At the point of diagnosis, my feeling is that breasts become less about sex and more about being a body part. I want all my friends (yes, I said all and include men, women, and children) to know that it is ok to ask me questions, pass my name and email along to others who may need it, and even see the result (though the seeing will probably be photographic in nature for most -- though I am open to live 3-D in some cases because it is so different than looking at a photo.
One common question is if I am going to have reconstruction. For me, the answer is a simple one...No. This is a very personal choice and I have no issues with women who want reconstruction -- after all clothing fit is definitely going to be a challenge. Will I every wear falsies? Sure, there may be a time when it would be appropriate -- like in evening wear.
So, fair warning...there will be photos that some would consider graphic and there will be frank discussions.
On another note. I want to acknowledge a phenomenal group of people. A program called Good Wishes is lead by Laurie Ericksen...from their Web site:
"Good Wishes, an L. Erickson USA® program, provides a scarf or an It’s a Wrap to women and girls experiencing a thinning or loss of hair due to illness or treatment at no cost. Each scarf is a gift of hope that carries with it the support and good wishes of our staff and represents the strength and beauty of the woman or child who wears it. All Good Wishes gifts are made with CRYSTALLIZED™ - Swarovski Elements as a special symbol to honor your courage and spirit. L. Erickson USA® and France Luxe® are designer brands of the parent company The Finest Accessories® Inc."
I cannot say enough about this awesome program. Not only is the scarf I received absolutely beautiful silk, the love and support of all those involved in getting it to be is palpable. From the beauty of the silk, they workmanship, and the Swarovski Elements to the unexpected, hand-signed card with well-wishes from the staff at Good Wishes. I have included a photo of the card along with photos of the scarf. Please spread the word about this program...with both the financial and emotional cost of cancer, this is truly a welcome light! Their Web site is
http://www.franceluxe.com/i/goodwishesscarves/Good+Wishes+Scarves.html
I will be showering later and posting some updated pics tomorrow...Teri tells me the bruises look much better today. The rash from the tape is worse and the feeling is beginning to return to some areas.
Namaste.
Photos are posted on my caring bridge site at: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jandavidson/photos and on Facebook (if you are a friend on facebook).
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Homecoming
Pete picked me up at the hospital on Friday (10.1.10) while Teri and Isabella picked up some groceries. I have been pretty zoned-out on pain meds ever since -- falling asleep in the middle of everything (eating, typing, watching TV...literally everything!).
Pete headed home on Saturday...it was great having him here...I think Teri enjoyed it a well!
Big Blue (my new recliner) is working out well. Abby (the little one) barely leaves my side and Mollie checks on me frequently.
I am SO very thankful for Teri. She has been my gofer, chef, and laundress without complaint...maybe that's because I brought her one of the big water jugs from the hospital! LOL! Seriously, she has made this much easier for me and I am grateful.
Dealing with the drains has been pretty easy...helped by the post-surgical camisole with drain pockets. The right one seems to be more productive and isn't becoming clear as quickly as the left. Called the doctor today to confirm that is normal...it is.
Swelling and bruising sucks. Sometimes it feels as though my chest has a vibrating cell on it then I realize it is the fluids draining. Weird! Teri says the bruising is a lot better today. They are turning yellow so we know they are healing.
I actually showered yesterday and then went for a little adventure to the Post Office (had to mail some stuff to Pete that didn't want to ride with him in the car...lol... and then to Walgreens (more pain meds...yeah!). It seems as though I have lots of energy...until I do something, then I am exhausted. So it is good I like to nap!
The swelling makes it feel as though the armholes of my camisole are cutting into my skin...but they are loose. Now that I am getting use to the feeling, I am realizing what it is and that it isn't actually my clothes. I do still have Teri checking to make sure though!
My oncologist had prescribed Gabapentin for nerve pain and, after I stopped taking it per directions, I can attest to the fact that it really works well!! I ended up taking one yesterday. If you, or someone you know, is facing a mastectomy, I highly recommend looking into it. The nerve firings are pretty weird and happen without warning. I had expected pain like from abdominal surgery but it isn't anything like that. I will try to figure out how to describe it and post later. For now, let's just say it is weird not having the skin and fascia connected to the muscles.
I am having my usual reaction to steri-strips on the incision (that would be a bad rash); however, the nice thing about all the nerves being cut is that I don't feel any itching from the rash (small miracles!) and hopefully the rash will be gone before the feeling returns!!
Feeling like it is time for a nap...more next time.
Namaste!
Pete headed home on Saturday...it was great having him here...I think Teri enjoyed it a well!
Big Blue (my new recliner) is working out well. Abby (the little one) barely leaves my side and Mollie checks on me frequently.
I am SO very thankful for Teri. She has been my gofer, chef, and laundress without complaint...maybe that's because I brought her one of the big water jugs from the hospital! LOL! Seriously, she has made this much easier for me and I am grateful.
Dealing with the drains has been pretty easy...helped by the post-surgical camisole with drain pockets. The right one seems to be more productive and isn't becoming clear as quickly as the left. Called the doctor today to confirm that is normal...it is.
Swelling and bruising sucks. Sometimes it feels as though my chest has a vibrating cell on it then I realize it is the fluids draining. Weird! Teri says the bruising is a lot better today. They are turning yellow so we know they are healing.
I actually showered yesterday and then went for a little adventure to the Post Office (had to mail some stuff to Pete that didn't want to ride with him in the car...lol... and then to Walgreens (more pain meds...yeah!). It seems as though I have lots of energy...until I do something, then I am exhausted. So it is good I like to nap!
The swelling makes it feel as though the armholes of my camisole are cutting into my skin...but they are loose. Now that I am getting use to the feeling, I am realizing what it is and that it isn't actually my clothes. I do still have Teri checking to make sure though!
My oncologist had prescribed Gabapentin for nerve pain and, after I stopped taking it per directions, I can attest to the fact that it really works well!! I ended up taking one yesterday. If you, or someone you know, is facing a mastectomy, I highly recommend looking into it. The nerve firings are pretty weird and happen without warning. I had expected pain like from abdominal surgery but it isn't anything like that. I will try to figure out how to describe it and post later. For now, let's just say it is weird not having the skin and fascia connected to the muscles.
I am having my usual reaction to steri-strips on the incision (that would be a bad rash); however, the nice thing about all the nerves being cut is that I don't feel any itching from the rash (small miracles!) and hopefully the rash will be gone before the feeling returns!!
Feeling like it is time for a nap...more next time.
Namaste!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Wow!
I didn't have time to post prior to surgery that my son surprised me on Sept. 25th with a phone call at 3am asking if he could "come in." He had driven 11 hours to be with Teri and I through surgery and homecoming. Let's just say that is the best surprise a mother could have!! It has been so wonderful having a man around to help with some of my "honey do" items. I am very grateful. More than the honey do items, it was great having him spend the day after surgery with me at the hospital "just hanging around."
Then Teri, Isabella, and Wendy (Isabella's god mom and my adopted daughter) came to visit. What an awesome day!
Kevin (a good friend) and Mark (Isabella's god dad) came separately late afternoon the day of surgery. Though I was groggy and dozing off during our conversations, it was great to have the visitors and to have the beautiful prayers they offered up.
God is SO amazing. After patiently waiting for me for years to move back closer to Him, he has surrounded me with His love through family and friends. Praise God, and the wonderful outpouring of love and caring that He has shown me throughout this whole process.
I just want to say to everyone...God doesn't require church attendance to know Him. He is always there waiting to show you His love and grace...all you need to do is have faith and acknowledge Him. He knows we are flawed and doesn't ask for perfection...all he wants is for us to rest in His abiding love.
I will continue to blog my journey through chemo and beyond...thanks for sharing the journey with me.
Namaste.
Jan
Then Teri, Isabella, and Wendy (Isabella's god mom and my adopted daughter) came to visit. What an awesome day!
Kevin (a good friend) and Mark (Isabella's god dad) came separately late afternoon the day of surgery. Though I was groggy and dozing off during our conversations, it was great to have the visitors and to have the beautiful prayers they offered up.
God is SO amazing. After patiently waiting for me for years to move back closer to Him, he has surrounded me with His love through family and friends. Praise God, and the wonderful outpouring of love and caring that He has shown me throughout this whole process.
I just want to say to everyone...God doesn't require church attendance to know Him. He is always there waiting to show you His love and grace...all you need to do is have faith and acknowledge Him. He knows we are flawed and doesn't ask for perfection...all he wants is for us to rest in His abiding love.
I will continue to blog my journey through chemo and beyond...thanks for sharing the journey with me.
Namaste.
Jan
Surgery
Had a bilateral mastectomy on the 29th of September. Surgery went well and the best news of all is that the lymph nodes were not involved at all -- YEAH!! The best part of that is that they didn't remove any so my pain level is really quite minimal...although I am taking the pain pills because I don't want to find out the hard way that it is more painful than what I think!
I wasn't sure what I would feel once I looked at my chest...meaning I wasn't sure if the drastic nature of the surgery would hit me at that point. There wasn't long to wait to find out...doctor came in the day after surgery and removed what bandage I had. Now there is just paper tape covering the wound...and then of course the drains. I suppose I would describe my chest as "lumpy" -- which the doctor said would eventually go away. It is one big bruise and is a bit concave. After wearing bras for 44 years, it is odd to be "flat chested"...but it really wasn't a shock to me.
My surgeon's partner came in yesterday to check me out for release. He asked why I had chosen bilateral since the cancer was only in one breast. I told him because of my triple negative status and his response was "That was a good choice then!" So good to have my decision re-affirmed.
Will see the doctor in a week and hopefully will have the drains removed...though they aren't as bad as I was expecting. It is like having temporary boobs at waist level. LOL!! For those of you wondering...I haven't yet lost much weight...I suppose part of that is because of the fluid still accumulating and the swelling. Will keep you posted as to how much boobs actually weigh (mine at least -- Dolly Parton's might be a WHOLE other story!!).
I wasn't sure what I would feel once I looked at my chest...meaning I wasn't sure if the drastic nature of the surgery would hit me at that point. There wasn't long to wait to find out...doctor came in the day after surgery and removed what bandage I had. Now there is just paper tape covering the wound...and then of course the drains. I suppose I would describe my chest as "lumpy" -- which the doctor said would eventually go away. It is one big bruise and is a bit concave. After wearing bras for 44 years, it is odd to be "flat chested"...but it really wasn't a shock to me.
My surgeon's partner came in yesterday to check me out for release. He asked why I had chosen bilateral since the cancer was only in one breast. I told him because of my triple negative status and his response was "That was a good choice then!" So good to have my decision re-affirmed.
Will see the doctor in a week and hopefully will have the drains removed...though they aren't as bad as I was expecting. It is like having temporary boobs at waist level. LOL!! For those of you wondering...I haven't yet lost much weight...I suppose part of that is because of the fluid still accumulating and the swelling. Will keep you posted as to how much boobs actually weigh (mine at least -- Dolly Parton's might be a WHOLE other story!!).
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