Birthday Ruminations

Today I turn 53. Not a major milestone like when you turn a birthday ending in 0 or 5…but a milestone nonetheless. You see, 50 years ago I turned 3, not knowing or understanding that it would be the last birthday (and Thanksgiving) that my dad would see me celebrate. I don't remember my dad…just the emptiness his absence caused.
Interestingly, that long ago birthday was also on a Wednesday. So it is that today I find myself pondering the loss of dad, the intervening years, and the life that I have meandered through. There is a lot of my childhood I don't remember and most of what I do are the times I would prefer to forget; however, wedged in between those memories are smidgeons of happiness.
Summers spent with Grandma and Grandpa thinking that all kids did the same – finding out as an adult that we were lucky to have had the experience. But before the summer with Grandma and Grandpa could start, there was the 8 hour road trip from Sylmar to Clear Lake with Uncle Jack. Grandma and Grandpa moved to Clear Lake from Burbank in 1962 after Grandpa retired. For the next six years, until we moved to the lake, that road trip along Highway 99 was magical. We would sing hymns, read road signs, stop alongside the road for meals (packed in an ice chest not at a restaurant), and us kids would sleep – sometimes! One of my fondest recollections is the smell and feel of the moving blankets that Uncle Jack would use to make a bed in the back of the station wagon.
Those summers were spent learning how to: water ski, garden, fix things, paint (houses, not art), fish, and how to annoy my big brother. I remember Grandma most for her incredible cooking (wish I would have learn some of her tricks!), taking us to church on Sunday, and making sure we went to Vacation Bible School. Without her, I would not know God as intimately as I do. Thanks Gram! Then there was Grandpa. My basic love of the outdoors, gardening, and making things came from him. He taught me about organic gardening and composting long before it was the "in" thing and he taught me a lot about fishing (making weights, tying leaders, baiting the hook, cleaning the fish – with an anatomy lesson on their innards thrown in – and most importantly, patience).
Life in a single-parent household was different for my brother and me with Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle Jack so closely involved.
As an adult, my life has taken a very meandering path to where I am today. Enlisting, after high school, in the Navy where I learned about electronics and computers, marriage-divorce-marriage (just about that fast), moving to Oregon with my second husband, two children, divorce again, being a single parent without the support that my mom had experienced, another failed marriage, move to Texas for what I was sure was my final marriage only to have it end like the previous ones. Through it all I am so thankful that God guided me to where I am because Houston is the first place that felt like home. My roots are actually in Texas and Oklahoma, so in a way, I have come home.
This is my fifth holiday season in my own home. This year my daughter and youngest granddaughter are living with me and I find myself hoping that I can be the kind of support for them that my grandparents were for me. I find great joy that Isabella loves to be outside with Grammie…hopefully we will spend long hours together learning about butterflies, birds, gardening, and life. One day she will also get to learn about her big sister, Elizabeth. Not having seen my oldest granddaughter since she was one, it was great this year getting photos from her adoptive mom. She looks happy and healthy – what more could you ask for?
So, the next chapter of my life begins. Learning to make jewelry and studying holistic health during the past couple of years has re-awakened my love of nature and I look forward to the next phase of my professional life. I am comfortable in my singlehood and with who I have become as a woman. I would have loved for Dad to be part of my life but I have learned to embrace his absence because without that emptiness, I wouldn't be the woman I am today – strong, confident, ever hopeful, and so truly blessed by God's hand.
Namaste.

Contrasts

I’ve been in Perth about 12 hours and the contrast between here and Singapore was evident beginning at the airport and continued on the drive to the hotel and then at the hotel. Each place should be taken on its own merit; however, the contrast between these two places is so stark.
At the queue for a cab at the airport: Singapore there was someone directing passengers to the cabs, the cabbies loaded the luggage, and they were conversational. Perth there was no one directing, the cabbie acted like it wasn’t his job to load the luggage, and he didn’t talk (and when I asked if he knew what the weather was to be on the weekend he said he didn’t know).
On the drive to the hotel: Singapore is definitely a garden city/country – and one that is well manicured. Perth definitely is not. We drove through types of areas that I probably wouldn’t drive through back in Houston, there was graffiti everywhere (didn’t see any graffiti in Singapore), and the “landscaping” of the roadways was – hmmm, what shall I call it – semi-controlled weeds.
At the hotel: Singapore was a delight – someone opened the cab door, someone got my luggage and delivered it to my room (quickly), the room was well appointed (although I didn’t have a bathtub). Three weeks in a hotel was not bad at all. Perth is another story. I opened my own door, unloaded my bags, and schlepped them into the hotel. The gentleman checking me in was nice and did offer to have my bags brought to my room. The elevator is rickety, the carpeting is a gross gray color and pattern that looks like it hasn’t been cleaned in years. The room would get a “C” rating and ½ hour later I am wondering where my bags are. When my bags do arrive, I asked the gentleman the location of the room safe. He opened the closet and low and behold – it was gone. Because I need a wall safe, I was moved to a different room – although I am now suspect of its ability as a safe. The room is a little bigger than the last one but still a “C” rating. Oh, and the Internet here…55 cents per minute to a maximum of $27.95 AUD for a 24-hour period (it was free in Singapore and the internet cafes were not this expensive.) One week here is going to feel like three.
As I was contemplating the contrasts, I realized that had I come to Perth first, I wouldn’t have thought twice about the rudeness of the cabbie, the drive, or the hotel (although the carpet would have given me pause). But because I came by way of Singapore, the contrast between East and West is very evident.
Since the weekend is suppose to be rainy and stormy, I will probably stay in the hotel and do schoolwork. Monday is to be sunny and I will only be in the office a short time so I may try the zoo on Monday.
I almost forgot one contrast – the weather! Singapore is hot and humid – all the time. It is winter down under and it is cool here. That is a refreshing change. Yesterday seemed like a nice winter day in Houston.
It is fascinating to me that the contrasts between these two places follows my theory about people -- some people are crumpled and some are pressed. One isn't any better than the other, they just are what they are. (A little Zen thrown in for good measure.) As for me...I am on the crumpled side.

Reflections

Have you every looked around and and thought, "Wow, how did I get here?" From a shy, insecure young girl to an even more insecure young woman and then an epiphany at 28 that I do have worth. I have finally, in my 50s found my true self and my confidence. I am 1/2 way around the world from home on a lengthy business trip to Singapore, Australia, and Indonesia. Seeing and experiencing life in a way that I never dreamed...yet here I am and it isn't a dream.
For ALL that has happened in my life I give all thanks to God, for without Him, my life would have no meaning. Only He knows the plans he has for me and I will gladly follow. Nine years or so ago, I turned my life over to His control and I have not had a moment's regret or doubt. Although I haven't gone to church since being here, I certainly feel so close to God.
Sitting at a Starbucks in Singapore Sunday morning, a Buddist stopped, greeted me with "namaste" and gave me a card with Buddha on it (Asian writing on the back that I cannot read) and some prayer beads. I gave him $10 Sing (less than $7 US) and asked that he pray for peace. On his way he went. This was a remarkable experience for me for several reasons. First, that I view myself as a Zen Christian, next that I make prayer beads (www.quintessentialyou.com, and lastly that he didn't "preach" to me. In that moment, my prayer for peace was answered -- here were two people from different backgrounds and religion experiencing a blessed moment of grace and recognition of the spirit within each of us (that is what namaste means and why I use it often when closing emails).
Yes, I have done some sightseeing here in Singapore; however, my biggest adventure has been just observing the culture of this city/country. There are so many cultures that reside here and yet they seemingly co-exist peacefully. The most incredible thing is that English is the main language spoken here -- signs are in English first -- incredible when you think about being from the US and English isn't a national language for us. I marvel that I can be in some shops or a restaurant and I hear more English being spoken than I do when I am in Houston. Then there is school...every day I am more amazed at how much I am enjoying the experience. Our bodies are so incredible... Here is to family, good friends, and those that have been absent from our lives for far too long...Namaste.